6/25/2018 0 Comments time to releaseTo help you with the release process during this powerful Full Moon, consider what things/relationship patterns/cycles/experiences/situations/feelings/repeated issues you’d like to leave behind.
-aversion to bills/sorting money -jealousy in relationships -critiquing my body -looking after myself well for a while and then stopping -being bored at work/taking on too much work -letting friends drain me -feeling hurt/coming up against hostility -being scared of speaking my truth in case it evokes anger or hurts another “I now invite in the following or better, to the highest good of everyone involved… I invite a sense of calm clarity and ease to sorting money. I invite enjoyment and excitement around finances and investing in my future. I invite my body and mind to unite in regards to my understanding of love in relationships, to release anxiety. I will continue to honour and protect my heart, but I will not be shaken by healthy competition in regards to other women, choosing to feel love for them all, and using any fiery feelings as motivation to push myself more and achieve... If someone I love loves another it doesn’t negate their love for me… it is simply more love in this world. A multitude of sexual feelings are normal and healthy. I know this. I invite pure acceptance of my body, as I care for it more deeply than ever before. I invite a sense of devotion to myself, to ensure I easily maintain self-care in regards to fitness, nutrition, sleep etc. I invite new, joyful work opportunities that speak to my heart and purpose, and that are financially viable and exciting. I confirm that I have within me the ability to focus and concentrate – and say no to work that doesn’t light me up. I invite the friends that I find draining to take some space to build themselves up, so that they can come back to me refuelled and strong. If they come to me with a problem, I will be able to speak the words they most need to hear, with love. I invite the ability to say ouch when someone hurts me, and not to squash it down. I invite compassion and care from whoever this interaction plays out with. I also invite the ability to call out hostility when I see it, with kindness, so that love can take its place. I invite bravery and courage in speaking my truth, understanding that anger doesn’t mean abandonment and that other people are responsible for their feelings. If I act from a place of love, that is what they will feel. And so it is. Thank you.” This sends out a strong energy signal to the universe, activating people, places, energies, circumstances to move toward you in a different way. Know that intention setting does tend to bring blocks to the surface, so stay on top of your daily energy management to maximize the positive results and avoiding any heaviness shaking your confidence.
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6/22/2018 0 Comments I feel anger surging in me.I feel anger surging in me.
I am so angry about the children in America that have been separated from their parents. It makes my muscles tense and my bones shake. I clench my jaw and my heard thuds loudly as I imagine the soul ripping feeling of losing a loved one, let alone a defenceless child. Or the feeling of your most intimate, loving caregiver being taken away from you. Those poor, poor babies. Anger can be unhealthy, of course. And it can be used ineffectively – to defend against depression or other unhealthy feelings of powerlessness, worthlessness, even despair. It can harm others easily when inappropriately directed. Yet anger exists for a reason. PROTECTION. I could rant and fume and RAGE – and make myself ill. Or I could send love and strength and REFUSE to forget them. There is a HUGE difference between being fiery and passionate about a cause, and being enraged in an unruly way. When we find a calm intensity that leaves us feeling undisturbed and at peace in our core – we are POWERFUL. Uncomfortable emotions are not a physical threat. We, the lucky ones, are SAFE. People are scared of anger or are addicted to it. It can cover up shame, sadness or fear. It can be mild – or ferocious. It can feel rewarding to launch into a tirade of self-righteousness, but instead we must harness this strong energy to enforce action and source CHANGE for those that are suffering. It doesn’t matter who is right anymore, it doesn’t matter who is to blame. All that matters is these relationships are healed and families are reunited. And that is going to take a lot of energy. Energy that can be fuelled, healthily by our ANGER at what has happened. 6/19/2018 0 Comments Dealing with angerAnger has a valid, important place in life, but you should be able to access it when needed, like a wallet from your pocket that you can put back once its purpose is complete. It gives you energy, it makes you feel powerful and it gives a pleasure response. Yet it can cause a lot of harm, unchecked, like any addiction. You need to learn that the anger impulse is often self-destructive - you need to surf the urge to give in.
Do this by working on the physiological state of the body, before tackling the behavioural cause. - Willing hands - stand up straight with your palms held loosely, facing upwards by your side. If you are sitting, rest them on your knees. It's hard to be angry when the body is relaxed and open in this pose. - If you are so angry you can't talk: while standing, bend forwards and hold your face in ice-cold water for a minimum of 30 seconds - this temporarily brings down the arousal state. It will allow you to think logically, but is a short-term solution. - Stop and breathe: 4 counts in, 8 counts out (or even 8:8, if needed) - Consciously talk in longer, slower sentences - Can you find humour? Sing what is making you angry - makes it all seem less important! If you are facing someone in a state of anger, be aware that appearing neutral or even smiling could seem provocative. Use the upper half of the face. i.e. the soft eyes, to communicate with them that you aren't challenging them, and use "a mother's voice," a slow, calming tone. We sat close together on a fallen tree trunk and he laughed at the way I people-watch… it makes me so happy seeing families together in campsites, yet maybe I do look for a few seconds too long! It’s like I want to secure that image, that feeling, somewhere inside.
It was getting dark. We would be going to bed soon and I wondered if I had made a mistake in coming here, with him. Because moments like these inspire so much love in me and this moment felt fleeting. It was as though we were both seeing the future possibilities, but instead of catching them and speaking them out loud, we let them flicker past in our minds, like fireflies. Or I did, at least. We talked about open relationships in the car. We talked about them in theory. I thought about London, about the pain I’d been in without the people I loved. I imagined how I would have felt knowing that one day we would be alone together in a moment like this. It would have helped, I think, yet I am still no further from knowing any outcomes. I have feelings, inclinations and predictions. I understand there is pain to come – there is always pain where there is love – it just depends on timing as to when that is felt. Should I deny this joy in my body, knowing it could be temporary? I don't think so, as long as I don’t attach this feeling to this person too heavily. I am the one experiencing this pleasure and I am blessed to be sharing it with him. After all, I have learnt that people may come and go but that true love stays within, even if life looks different on the outside, and this gives me hope. I know I can recover. I know I can keep loving. God, he frustrates me, and he hurts my feelings. But he teaches me patience, trust and how to let go of control. My love for him is a spiritual practice – a constant journey of loving and releasing. It's unconditional. After all, he sparks creativity in me and through him I know my purpose, which is to rediscover my soul and to love freely all around me. To help make the world a kinder place. To write my story. He used to say we were the same, yet I was self-less and he was selfish. Now I realise we mirror each other’s heart wounds. We sit on either end of a see-saw, and we tip up and down, over and over. We both need to move away from these tendencies though, and become self-honouring instead. It can jolt and be too painful at times. This is what we are doing, slowly, slowly. I came to Earth to feel ALIVE – as you did.
I wanted to walk up blustery hills and get drenched in rain. To feel my lungs flood with cold, clean air – to feel my heart thump and my muscles grow. I came to breathe deeply, slowly, and to feel the cat-like satisfaction of a deep stretch. I came to feel wet grass between my toes again, and climb up pebbly paths to hidden waterfalls; to leap into heather and squelch across peaty bogs. I wanted to walk along beaches at night, with my hand in yours, as we counted the twinkling stars. I came to collect feathers, shells, pine cones and crisp autumn leaves. I came here to love you. I came to blow dandelions and make wishes, to walk along flowing rivers and to gaze at silver moonlight on lightly rippling lakes. To swim in the cold ocean, and cough on salty sea water. I came to Earth to walk through woods, to search for fairy mushroom rings and to trace bark with my fingertips. I came to listen to the blackbirds, to admire the starlings. I came here to appreciate the sight of orange-pink sunsets, and to lick dew from rose petals. I wanted to get stung by nettles and pricked by thistles, and make daisy chains for children's wrists. I came to hold you close and kiss the tears from your cheeks. I wanted to drink tea in your company, and to feel your skin against mine. To feel the comfort of wearing a thick woolly jumper on a winter's night. I came to drink hot chocolate by a fireside, to stoke the coals and smell woodsmoke. I wanted to write down the date of the first snowdrops of the year, and breathe in the scent of lavender, rose and mint. I came to read myths and ancient stories and find child-like enchantment in the world around me. I came here to always believe that Love wins, despite what people say and evidence to the contrary. I came to write my own fairytale – and you feature in it. I came here, excited to taste and enjoy you. I came here to feel the tenderness of that timeless moment we come together, and I melt. I came here to feel the pain and the love, both sides of the coin. I came to feel ALIVE – as you did. A few months ago I came across an interview between Lesley Tavernier and Kristina Campbell, two women doing amazing work for women around the topics of sexuality. There was something about Lesley that imprinted on me as she spoke – she felt familiar somehow, and I wanted to know more about her.
I found her free group on Facebook and followed her on Instagram too. I no longer believe in coincidences and love synchronicities. I found that often she posted something I could relate to or had been wondering about. I found her blog about her abortions completely unique and was spellbound by her ability to talk about sexual pleasure! What if I allowed myself to believe that I am deeply loved and cherished?
If I truly allowed myself to believe that I am deeply loved and cherished I wouldn't fear being alone, or being totally left for someone else. I wouldn't fear loss and grief in the same way because I know love is constant, even when that person has passed away. I would therefore be able to enjoy the sometimes lengthy periods of time I spend on my own much more. I would feel supported and brave enough to keep making leaps in the direction I want my life to go, whether or not I had approval from my family or friends. If I allowed myself to feel deeply loved and cherished I wouldn't be scared that the magnitude of my love is too much for some people. I wouldn't worry that it would be misunderstood. I wouldn't worry that people think I'm selfish or greedy. I wouldn't be upset when the people I love need space or distance. It would help me feel that they just need time alone or to do other things, as I do. It's not that they would prefer me to go away. If I allowed myself to believe that I am deeply loved and cherished I wouldn't fear anger or disapproval. I wouldn't feel shamed or anxious that there is a part of me deep down that has something to be ashamed of. I would be able to just say what I want and need; all the people I love in my life again, in some form - even if it looks very different to before. I wouldn't have such a tight grasp on the life I want and imagine, I would let the 'what ifs' go and trust everything I want and dream of is coming, at the right time, and that I am exactly where I need to be. 6/12/2018 0 Comments THE BODY LANGUAGE OF RELATIONSHIPSIf you were to outwardly display your relationships to the world through body language, what would they look like?
A common set up is: one person leaning forwards, reaching for the other. Their partner, in response, is standing bolt upright. They may even be leaning back slightly with their arms crossed tightly over their chest. You can see the interplay of emotion here. One person is expressing, so clearly, that they want their lover so much that they'll stand unsteady, ready to grasp onto the other person for support. Eventually they'll fall forwards, ungrounded. They are willing to let themselves go to have someone else. No wonder they feel scared and unsteady. The other person is far more reserved, self-protective and closely guarding their heart. As they lean away, they too put themselves out of balance as they try to avoid being pulled out of alignment. They want love, but again, it's no wonder they consider stepping out of the way. Yet what happens if these pained people - who love each other - pause, breathe and return to mountain pose. The foundation of all standing poses, this position is often used at the beginning of a yoga sequence or as a resting pose. It also improves posture. Yoga is everywhere. When your relationship feels out of balance, stand firmly in your own foundation. Stay in this pose for a few minutes, and imagine your partner in front of you, doing the same. Your weight should be balanced evenly between your feet, 3-5 inches apart. Your leg muscles, which support you and move you forwards in life should be firm - engaged. Your body is light, yet strong. A line of energy is moving all the way up your torso and out of the crown of your head, which is balanced directly over the centre of your pelvis. Lengthen your spine - stand tall and make sure your tailbone is towards the floor. Your shoulder blades are back and down, your sternum is lifted but not over-extended. Your arms hang comfortably, beside you. Palms are forward-facing, open. Where's your tongue? Is it pressed to the top of your mouth? Let it loosen - it should be wide and flat in your mouth. Keep your chin parallel to the floor and relax your throat. Now, soften your eyes until they are almost shut. Imagine gazing at your lover in front of you. See them mirroring you. This time they are balanced, strong, and equal in love. What would my life look and feel like if I allowed myself to be more vulnerable, both privately and publicly?
In private, I am very vulnerable with myself. It comes out the most when I write. I am very honest with myself about what I'm feeling and if I don't understand it I search for answers. Alone, I cry a lot and when I feel pain I move towards it. I track my cycle so I understand when it's hormonal and I let myself rest until it passes. I've learnt that rolling up into a ball and staying frightened is paralysing and depressive. I spent months drinking too much and not taking care of myself and it Did. Not. Help. Now I look for ways to release trapped emotions from my body through breathing exercises, practising yoga, going outside, speaking to someone I love, listening to music that uplifts me, reading about something that's captured my interest obsessively - or if all else falls sleeping until consciousness is more appealing again. I reach out to people and ask - and pay - for help. I can share my vulnerability with a few close friends and family. I speak more and more openly about my interests and beliefs and no longer fear them thinking I'm silly. I find people look at me with a confused expression at first, and then they often share something private themselves or ask questions. Some friends call me names when I do this though, and it does hurt. But these people also love me and are hiding from their own stuff, so really they are telling me that my vulnerability is making them uncomfortable - not that they don't love me. I am surrounded by people growing spiritually whether they realise it or not. I see it everywhere. To be myself fully online is the scariest. I want to write about yoga and how it applies to life and relationships, yet I've only been practising for a year and I'm friends with teachers that have been doing it for more than a decade. I want to write about training, and even though I have had amazing coaches and know a lot, I have no formal education in this. I want to write about how important it is to know and understand and honour your menstrual cycle, which means talking about periods, blood and other things that can make people squeamish. I am joining a moon lodge where people put their blood on their foreheads at meetings… I am not there yet! I want to write about relationships, yet to a lot of people I know, my relationship failed and I have made unwise decisions. I feel differently now, but I fear their judgment and people reading intimate details about my life and making assumptions about me. I fear causing any more hurt. I still am letting go of a lot of grief and trauma, and at times it's still very raw. I'm a work in progress and don't want to give the impression I know it all or get things right all the time. I struggle daily. I want to write about spiritual stuff, yet most people I know would be flabbergasted by the way my imagination functions. I want to share creative writing and poetry - that is completely raw and intimate. If I do this though, I will feel like I am being true to myself, not hiding, and that would feel amazing. At the moment I feel quite trapped. When I was in a beautifully loving, monogamous relationship I felt like something was wrong with me for not being happy. I know that sharing all this is part of my healing process and a way believe in my power/create. It would take me closer and closer to who I am, who I want to be and the life I dream of, because I DO believe we build our own lives. I get a lot of pleasure writing and being creative fulfils me and is very pleasurable to me. My background in publishing, design and editorial writing would help me enormously. Being vulnerable publicly would be a way for me to serve others and let love flow. |
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